Face-brag-gush-Book. Just. Stop.

This blog post is going to be VERY unpopular with some people. Like some of my friends and relatives.  I just can't take it anymore. I have rolled my eyes one too many times. Why, oh, why do so many people post things on social media, often to their spouse (who they live with, and might be sitting next to) that are, in the pre-social media world, very private things?  You know.....the public professing of love for their partner. The spewing of joy for their amaze-balls life? Still not sure what I'm talking about?

"Happy Anniversary to the love of my life! I have enjoyed every moment and can't wait for another 20 more years!"

Are you freaking kidding me?! NOBODY enjoys every moment of a marriage for 2 years, much less 20. Love is easy. Marriage is hard. It's work, and it's worth it, if you're compatible and love each other, but if you want to say these things to your wife, husband, partner, can't you just tell them in person...like later today, at the home you live in together?!  If you want it to be something they can look back at, here's a wild idea: Write it in a card!  I have so many theories about what the true motivation is behind these types of posts, that I don't even know where to start, but here goes...

The REAL reason people post a sappy lovey-dovey message on social media is:

1. They're having a hot affair and figure if they publicly profess their love, it will eliminate any suspicion from their spouse.

2. They're on their honeymoon, and did not live together before they got married.

3. They have a dysfunctional relationship, but REALLY want everyone on their friends list to think everything is sunshine and rainbows.

4. They're drunk, and it's the only time they like their partner.

5. They're old, and losing their marbles.

Okay, okay... I'll stop.  Here is why those posts really bother me.  They always strike me as an example of the fakey-fake stuff that is, what too many people in my world, post on social media.  You WANT people to think you have a perfect relationship/marriage, which led to your beautiful, athletically gifted, perfectly behaved, child geniuses, and you have an exciting, high paying career in a field you're passionate about, a beautiful home, go on amazing vacations, an incredibly active social life, etc.

Yes, social media, by definition, IS what you choose to share about yourself, so you're naturally going to want to make yourself look your best.  I don't actually want you to tell me what's going wrong in your life in your life either, that's not my business, I just want to stop reading the over-the-top, sappy posts, because...how should I say this?   I AM NOT BUYING IT.  (I'm not the only one, right?)

I'm sure some will think I must be some jealous, unhappy, lonely, loser, hater, etc, but I'm none of those things.  I have a real life, with highs and lows, I often experience real happiness, but I have experienced problems, stress, and personal loss.  I'm not some Bitter Betty, or Debbie Downer, REALLY.  I just don't see how exaggerating your life, to make it appear to be better than it really is, helps you, or me, or anyone else for that matter.  I personally believe it just erodes people's natural self confidence, not to mention....it definitely gives a false impression of what real life, and a real marriage is like. 

As we know, I am not in charge of social media.  But if I were....

This is allowed:

"Happy Birthday Bob!  I promise I will try not to yell at you today & will even make you something special for dinner!"

"Happy Anniversary Bertha!  We have had our ups and downs, but we made it to 13 years, glad we did it together."

"Happy Anniversary Milo, you may not be perfect, but you're perfect for me!" 

"Happy Birthday ! You beat cancer, and I have never felt as blessed as I do today, seeing you turn 38.  I love you!"             
          * Exceptions are ALWAYS made for life/death health situations.

Not allowed:

"Happy Anniversary to my beautiful wife!  I changed forever the day we met, and with each passing day, my love for you only grows stronger.  You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I go to church every single day to thank god for bringing a miracle like you into my life."

"Happy Birthday to my soul mate!  You are the most generous, caring, hard working, muscular, naturally hairless, non-burping, non-farting, naturally nice-smelling man in the world, and you're a great cook! I won the husband lottery!"

"Happy Birthday to the most beautiful creature I have ever seen in real life! I'm so lucky to have you in my life, to naturally birth our 8 perfect children, that you are homeschooling on our 250 acre ranch of unicorns. Can't wait to see you in your wedding dress, when we renew our wedding vows next weekend. You're body hasn't changed a bit, only got hotter! I have never seen a perkier ass, it's so crazy because you don't even work out!"

Before you post something on your anniversary, or your partner's birthday about how amazing they are....think about why you're doing it.  Is it actually because you want to show off? (in that case, knock it off, there's a name for that already, it's called a "humble brag," and it's annoying).  Is it because you want your partner to see it, and feel loved?  Surely, there has to be a better way.  What about the rest of us who see it?  Are you imagining us all smiling, feeling all warm & fuzzy? Nope. Rolling our eyes, making the gag gesture? Yep.

If...and I mean IF you really do have your shit together and you feel like life is ACTUALLY perfect?  Stop spending all your time on social media rubbing everyone's noses in it, you A-hole.  Isn't the culture we live in screwed up & competitive enough, as it is? Go volunteer at an animal shelter, but don't just play with the puppies, offer to clean the kennels, and get your hands dirty.  Or go to a hospital, and help people with serious health problems. Volunteer at a retirement community/medical nursing facility.  Why not take your gratitude, for all the good in your life, and give back to people who haven't had it so easy?  Post that shit on your social media. Maybe it will inspire others to do the same.

If you're life is NOT perfect, like mine?  Hi, friend.  Let's just be real, okay?  We should probably find the time to volunteer somewhere too.